They said they wouldn't. But they did.

Entry 7 ~ 4/30/16 ~ 9:34 p.m

months of hurting. this is when i realized that the people around me didn't care about me. i had spent so much time trying to be their friend. someone that they would want to be their friend. but all that time had been for naught. they didn't care. i didn't fit the mold of who they wanted to take on vacations. i didn't fit the mold of someone they wanted to spend time with.

that is not the worst part though. the worst part is that i thought this was my fault. i thought i had done something wrong and that no one wanted to be my friend.

to be fair, i should have never kept trying to be these people's friend. i should have realized that we weren't meant for one another. then, we could all be free.

it's okay that i didn't learn this until years after the fact. i know this now. and i want to help as many people as i can to learn this too.

They talk. They say they won't. They don't. They would never do that. Would they? You don't know. You won't. Until you do. A secret is a secret until it's not a secret anymore. It’s bottled up until you just have to tell someone. Someone you trust. But who? The person that would understand you. The person that wouldn't judge you for your secret. The person who wouldn't pity you for your secret. Do you know who this person is? You could've sworn you had a friend just like that. But when you look around, they're nowhere to be seen, leaving you with a question. Are they your person? Are they the person you should tell your secret to? Are they? You want to tell someone. You do. But you don't. You don't. You do. Do you? Yes. No. Yes. No. You don't know. You question yourself. Is this person equipped to hold your secret, ‘til death do you part? Do you really think they wouldn't accidentally blurt it out when they're mad? This secret isn't just a secret. If it is, then you weigh your options. But what if it's not just a secret? What if this bit of information would change everything? Every little thing. Or so you thought. This secret, in the hands of the wrong person, could go horribly wrong. But...what if.. Could it be possible? That this secret you're keeping, deep down, you really don't want to tell anyone? At all. Maybe one day. Not in the near future, but in the future some day. Some day. One day. When you're ready. This secret will flourish into anything. Yes, people will look at you differently. Does that have to be a bad thing? Yes, some people will whisper about you? Since when do those people matter to you and your life? Yes, people will spread rumors about you that you know to be not true. You know they're not. But for a moment, you believe them. Even though you know the truth; you are the truth. Then it happens. You remember. You are not the things people say that you are. You are not. You aren't. You went through it all. All of it. Every last painful memory, feeling and detail. No one else went through it. So you ask yourself; How are they coming up with this? You know. They might just have secrets of their own. And you can help them. You can. You want to. Yes, they are doing mean things to you. But why are they doing these things? Are they just a mean person? Not likely. They're driven by their own fears of people finding out their secret. And you can show them that it's not so bad for people to know. It's actually quite freeing.