It’s great. It’s wonderful. It’s never better.

Oof. This one. I keep saying that they hurt. i hope that one person could read this, one person who has been hiding. been fleeing from the light. fleeing from the person who could care about them. that this person could read this and find that they want to take a courageous step towards something. something that could help make them feel seen.

try out for you sports team. go to the library and join a book club. go to that church and find other people who believe the same things as you. go to the park and join a sports league doing something that you love. go to a karaoke bar and sing as loud as you can. find something. anything. YOU CAN DO THIS

Entry 17.5 ~ Unknown

It’s great. It’s wonderful. It’s never better. But is it really? Why is this person lying? They're lying. They say they're fine. But they aren't. They're waiting for someone to notice. How will they notice when everything is invisible? Everything is invisible. Invisibility has its perks. No one questions. No one sees. No one hears. No one listens. They don't because they can't. Are they trying? Eh, maybe. Are they really? Nah. They aren't. But are they? That's the question. This person. This invisible person. All they want is for it to wear off. But do they? Don't they like it? Being invisible? No one bothers them. No one asks if they're okay day in and day out. No one can see. No one can see the pain that they’re in. and they like it that way. Or at least that's what they tell themselves. That they like it the way that it is. That they wouldn't change a thing. That their life is exactly how they want it to be. That they planned for it to be like this. But that's not true. How in the world could this be true? That this invisible person likes their life the way it is? Without anyone. Anyone to talk to. Without friends. Without family. Do they really like it this way? No. Yes. No. They aren't really sure. They're not sure. They don't know. They can't make up their mind. They want to, but they just can't. Because if they were to turn up the switch; then people would see them. People would see them. For who really are. Beaten and broken. They won't be able to hide anymore. Underneath the invisible. Underneath. They would love to come out of the dark. But do they want to? They like the sacredness that their invisibility provides them. What if they want to stay invisible? They ask themselves the question. It’s bullshit. They're lying to themselves. They want so badly to be found out. So badly. However, they don't want to be the person who takes the first step. They don't want to admit it. They want someone else to find them out. They don't want to tell anyone. They want others to figure it. But that's an impossible task. An impossible task.

One that is not for the faint of heart. One that requires courage. One that requires strength. One that requires persistence. At first, it might seem like progress is happening. Like the book is opening. But you can only turn the page to the publisher. That can only tell you the unbiased. The stuff that is not emotional. It can't tell you what can only be told by the author. The publisher didn't write the story. They didn't live through the story. They can try to feel those feelings. Give words to those feelings. Tell those feelings that they are not alone. But those feelings. They don't want to listen. They liked it when they were invisible. They want to go back. It takes a dedicated person to understand. To comprehend those feelings. The feelings that are invisible. Is there a person like that? Is there? Have they passed over? Have the feelings let them go? If they have, then they will go a life not knowing what is to be exposed. To be trusted by someone with the feelings. With the thoughts. With the experiences. With everything imaginable. What if they really have gone through already? What then? Do the feelings regroup? And find another? Is that even possible? Is that even possible? What if the feelings have a first in mind? But they're scared. That they won't be able to handle it. That they won't be able to comprehend it. That another will leave? What then? Can those feelings bare to be bared again? Can they? Can They live through that? What if they can't?

What if they only have one?

And then they're done?

They're gone. That invisible person is no longer invisible. And that invisible person has nothing to be invisible about anymore. It's gone. Does that person want that? Does the invisible person really actually want that? They don't know. They don't. And for once, they're okay with that. With the unknown. They're okay with that. They're not worried. Are they? Yes. No. yes; but no. they're sure. They aren't. They Are ready to take on the future. They're ready to get out of that invisibility. But are they? I guess we’ll find out.