Everyone has fears. Some are louder than others.

This one felt a bit more tame than some of my other journal entries these journal entries are coming from a journal i have named "the place i call my home", purposely all lowercase. all of these words that make up this journal were my safe haven. the journal itself became my safe haven. there wasn't a single other place for me to release the pressure i put on myself to hide all of my hurt and pain and feelings. of course, i didn't know that actually telling someone i trusted about these feelings inside would be so much better than hiding them away.

asking for help, or telling someone that you need help is NOT an easy thing to do. but it's so necessary. sit down with a trusted parent or trusted friend and let them know about some of the feelings that you are feeling. it may help to write down a script in your notes app, or on a piece of paper-what you want to say. that way, you won't accidentally ramble and feel too exposed and shut down. you will be able to write down only the things you want to say and nothing more.

counseling from a trusted counselor is so helpful. Psychology today has a GREAT therapist finder tool that can help you fill your preferences and location to find the best fit for you.

I promise it gets better. I am living proof that it does. I'm not promising total happiness all day every day for the rest of your life. But more good days than bad. And the bad days won't feel nearly as bad as they may be now. It. gets. better. I promise.

Entry 9 ~ 5/17/16 ~ 9:50 p.m

Everyone has fears. Some are louder than others. Some are quieter than others. Some fears are broadcasted. Some are kept secret. You are afraid. You are afraid. Afraid of being afraid. Afraid of dying. Afraid of living. You say that you are not, but you are. There is so much to do, and if you die, you won't be able to do those things. Those things that you are afraid of. But what are those things exactly? You are afraid of vacation. You are afraid of being busy. Not busy. You are afraid of the future. You are afraid of what you’ve done, what you've seen, what you've said. You are afraid of yourself. You are afraid. Afraid of everything and nothing all at once. You want to cry everyday. You are afraid of doing just that. Your family has depression in its history. You are afraid of what you could do. Not to others, but to yourself. Do you give yourself enough credit? For how hard you work? For how much you put into things? You are afraid of having a relationship. You are afraid of opening up to people. You are afraid of having a relationship. You want a best friend. One that would choose you. But you are afraid of that. Of opening up. Of telling your secrets. Because that's what you do. You say things to your best friend that you wouldn't tell anyone else. Your friends think that you tell them a lot, but in reality, it's not half of what goes on in your mind. Your are afraid of not experiencing things. But you're afraid of the food that comes along with experiencing these things. You are afraid of going through life and not doing what you wanted because of your fears. These fears. They make you think. Not think? But you can overcome them, if you think about it. If you think about it. You can do this. You can do this. No one is going to stop you. No one is stopping you. No one is watching you. No one is laughing at you. You shouldn't not do something for fear of judgement. If you truly, really want to do something, you should. Not for anyone else, but for you. For your fears. To show your fears that you are greater than them. You are greater than the fears that you face.